"The Stories That Bind Us"

In the current September 2013 issue of Reader's Digest, I came across an interesting article (p.32, The Stories That Bind Us by Bruce Feiler), that made assertions about the importance of sharing family history stories with our children. The things that happened to our grandparents and beyond can have a significant bearing on how we and our children respond to modern day pressure and stress. Marshall Duke and Robyn Fivush, both psychologists at Emory University conducted a study in 2001 with a group of about four dozen families to see if this hypothesis was true. The incredible conclusion was this--"the more children knew about their families' histories, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned." (p.33)

The article goes on to explain how knowing about our past gives us a sense of being a part of something larger than ourselves. This takes us back to those elemental questions of who am I, why am I here, and where am I going?  There has been a tremendous increase in interest about knowing where we came from, as exemplified by the popular TV show, Who Do You Think You Are? We all came from somewhere, and the need to know the answers can become of tantamount importance, particularly for adoptees. By knowing where we came from and something about the people from whom we're descended, we gain a sense of self-confidence that cannot be obtained any other way. Knowing about our grandparents' or even great-grandparents' struggles can give us strength to persevere through our present-day circumstances that could otherwise be overwhelming.

During the time I served in the US Navy as a neuropsychiatric technician at Oak Knoll Hospital in Oakland, CA, I worked with many marines who had come back from Viet Nam thoroughly messed up from drugs and/or PTSD, although PTSD was not as recognized as a disorder in the late 60's. I studied the POW/MIA outcomes, some of which will never be resolved. The common thread I saw in my distinctly unscientific study was that those people who had the best outcomes were those who had a solid family/religious basis during their growing-up/adult years. This was the anchor that kept them grounded and provided them with the will to survive and the strength to endure under horrible circumstances.

We know how priceless it would be to have personal memoirs written by our ancestors, but it's also just as priceless to record ours for the generations that are already following behind us. How we have handled our lives could be of great importance to a future grandchild (and beyond) who is seeking to know something about us. Our lives matter. What we do with our lives matters. Our stories could inspire our descendants to persevere rather than to give up.

Moral of the day: Write Your Story!

Jan Domenico, contributor
www.jansediting.com

Not Forgotten

I was reading an article this morning out of Family Tree Magazine (Jul/Aug 2013, p. 19) by Madonna Dries Christensen in which she related a story about how both her great-grandfather and his young, 12-year-old daughter had been killed by lightning and buried in different cemeteries. The author had always thought the two had been killed at the same time, but after doing some research, she discovered that the little girl had actually been killed 17 years earlier. Four years after the great-grandfather's death, his wife was laid to rest next to him, and a year later, another daughter joined them. These last three deaths happened in the early 1900's, and as often happens, the grave markers which were metal plates, became dislodged and eventually cast aside. More than 100 years later, a descendant found the markers and made it her mission to prompt the other family members to provide a headstone for the three graves. After some effort, the headstone was completed, and the family gathered around to dedicate it.

 

The author's closing statement quoted an old adage that "claims people are less afraid of dying than they are of being forgotten." That is what caught my attention, but it was the story leading up to it that gave it impact.

 

Thanks to our bloggers associated with this site and the parent one in Torre le Nocelle, our family members won't be forgotten. Carm, Florindo, and several others have dedicated their lives to making sure that these humble ancestors of our are not and never will be forgotten. Physical records can only last so long, but the monumental effort that has been made to digitize these records will assure that their information will not be lost in the dust, but rather, preserved for future generations who want to search out their people.

 

I, for one, want to express my sincere thanks for their tireless efforts, commitment, and dedication for all that they do. How grateful I have been to make connections on behalf of my husband's family (although I feel like they're mine) and create a living record of these people. On my last trip a few years ago to Boston, I was able to hand a pedigree chart to one of the more "senior" Domenico's who had done some research himself, and it meant a great deal to him to see the generations going back into the early 1600's.

 

These ancestors have contributed mightily to who we are today, and we owe them honor and respect for living the lives they did. We may not be able to physically place a headstone on an actual grave, but we are all able to create symbolic ones on our computers.

 

My sincerest thanks to everyone out there who is doing their best to not let anyone be forgotten!

 

Jan Domenico

www.jansediting.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home-Crafted Arts

Being a home crafter myself, some of my most treasured possessions were made by people I love, such as my daughters, mother, and grandmother. I have great appreciation for objects lovingly made by hand and then gifted or passed down to me. There is always a story with a handcrafted object, and it is important to record that story so that the next person in line will understand its significance.  

Our ancestors didn't have many conveniences, but they learned to make do with the materials at hand. I have only recently gotten into the world of quilting, although I was introduced to it as a child by my grandmother. In her day, quilting was a way to utilize fabrics that were left over from making clothing, or even recycling the clothing itself when it had outlived its usefulness. My favorite quilt that she had on her bed was one that was on its third generation of being covered. It had a place on it where the stitching had come loose, and underneath the flap I could see the quilt that had been used as its filler. The most exciting thing, however, was that there was also a loose flap in that same spot on the filler quilt, and under it was the original quilt! That one quilt was actually three, and that was very exciting for a child under the age of 10! We would spend hours going over the patches on the quilt, and she would tell me whose dress or shirt had been made from that fabric. What a lesson in family history!

What handcrafted treasures have been gifted to you from people you love? What heirlooms are in your home that were carefully preserved for future generations? It's amazing the memories an object can evoke. These memories tell a story that no one would ever be able to find online in any database, so it is important that they be written down before they are forgotten and lost to time. My grandmother taught me many things about home crafts, and she was my mentor in teaching me how to use her treadle Singer sewing machine at the tender age of 7, and I've never stopped since.

Take the time to record what you know about such personal things, as this is what makes our progenitors come alive. As you were taught, that person undoubtedly told you about who had taught him/her, and that gives you a window into the past that will never be found on a census record.

Note: This picture is of one ring of my grandmother's effort to make a double wedding ring design. From the technical standpoint, it is inexpertly done, but with regards to the memories it evokes, it's priceless! In many places, it is still possible to read the lettering on the muslin used for the backing that came from flour sacks. The muslin was bleached and then became an important part of the quilt. It is puckered in many places, but thanks to some careful quilting, it just adds to the sentimental value.




www.jansediting.com
Writing a Family History

Overcoming the Fear

Starting a written family history can be a daunting task--where do you start; how do you start; who do you start with, and many other questions flood your mind. By virtue of its nature, a family history is an exercise in the past, but we don't often think about how we get there.

The best place to begin is with yourself. You may think that no one is interested in you, but you would be wrong! The family history audience loves the story about the search as much as the story you want to tell. I have a contact in my family who has and is doing extensive research of certain lines through DNA testing. While my eyes cross when he is going through the scientific analysis of the data, I'm fascinated with the conclusions he is able to draw because of the data. That is certainly worthy of a chapter in my family history, as he is now able to link certain families together via DNA while excluding others, even though they all lived in the same general area and share some of the same surnames. I would have erroneously assumed that everyone was related, which is not totally incorrect, but the relations originate back several generations from what one would assume.

I have another distant cousin who found me on Ancestry, and thanks to him, I now have enough documents and pictures to keep me busy for the next several years. Denny deserves special thanks, because he is a Viet Nam vet who is suffering terribly from the effects of Agent Orange. He is younger than me, but the necessity of being on oxygen 24/7 and getting dialysis treatments three times a week has made him old before his time. His relentless search for his family (and mine) gives him a reason to wake up in the morning and keeps him busy throughout the day. Denny's story is as much a part of my family history as the deceased.

Alex Haley of Roots fame, had as big a story to tell about the process of finding the information as the history itself. Many of us watched the mini-series Roots on TV years ago and were captivated by it, and this was before so many incredible resources became available, particularly the computer and everything that has come with it.

Your personal story is as much a part of your family history as your grandparents. The next time you think you don't know where to start, just look at yourself. All you have to do is begin!

Jan's Editing Service for Writers
www.jansediting.com

Traditions

I'm sure that most people are familiar with the song, "Traditions," from Fiddler on the Roof.  While treated in a light-hearted way in the Broadway show, make no mistake, traditions are serious business! What things do you look forward to on important occasions or holidays? The odds are you have certain practices that are linked to the event that are very important to you. It could be as simple as a wonderful dinner that gathers in loved ones to complicated activities that are only done at certain times. No matter the event, we look forward to the celebratory process and feel let down if we are unable to complete it. It's just not Thanksgiving without the turkey!

Just as every family has traditions, many of which have been handed down through generations, there are cultural traditions as well. Many traditions originate from where one grew up, and we would probably be very surprised at how far back some of the things we do now actually go. This is a great starting point for learning more about your family-- examine those traditions, and figure out how they originated.

While some traditions are all about fun, others have more serious connotations. An example would be the role of children in a family and their responsibility in contributing to its economic needs if necessary. This was a very strong tradition in Bob's family, and even though his maternal grandmother was born in Boston in 1896, children were expected to help out financially until the Baby Boomer generation, which in his family, was the first one in which children were expected to finish high school and learn some sort of trade. His father, John Domenico (1912-1989), was never able to finish high school because his financial support was needed to help sustain his family. This action forever influenced the rest of his life and in large part, defined who he was as well as who he wasn't.

By studying your family traditions, you can learn many things about your ancestors. Think about those things that were so important to your growing up, and then think about how many generations may have done similar things. We have a need to ritualize certain aspects of our lives, and our ancestors were no exception.

Need help? Contact me at: Jan's Editing Service for Writers, www.jansediting.com 

Bringing Your Ancestors to Life

Having my finger in several "genealogical pies," I have the opportunity to see how my ancestors are described on a factual basis. Most of the time, people are listed as part of a group, and if I'm lucky, there might be additional information such as births, marriages, children, etc. There should be a section in every family history book that does this, but when possible, there should also be a section that brings them to life. This does require some research on your part, as it is necessary to know and to understand their living conditions, economic pressures, and occupations wherever possible.

With our Torre le Nocelle and surrounding villages ancestors, we do know that they lived in the shadow of Mt. Vesuvius, an area prone to severe earthquakes. By doing a little research, I found the following Website to be of interest: http://www.echomolise.org/Earthquakes.html. It does list a catastrophic earthquake to have hit the Naples area in 1626 which shows that there were 70,000 killed. The survivors that did not move away, but chose, instead, to remain, had to have been greatly affected by the tragedy. Many records were destroyed, but thankfully, not all.

Unfortunately, very few of the early Italians were journal writers, most likely due to illiteracy, so there are few accounts, if any,  from people who lived through these events. We are left to surmise the "what might haves" as best we can. However, by researching the conditions of the time, as well as checking what documentation may have survived of your family members, it is possible to create a plausible scenario based on what is known.

Many of us are present-day survivors of catastrophic events, and we do know first-hand the devastating effects that nature can inflict on our lives--towns wiped off the map, livelihoods destroyed, total disruption/destruction in food production/supply, psychological stress, as well as the loss of family members. By understanding our reactions to these events, it is not a huge stretch to have compassion for what our ancestors may have endured.

My point in all this? Having a list of names is only a part of their story. Do your research and find out what conditions were like at the time. The more you know historically, the more you'll know about your ancestors, which will allow you to appreciate their courage and stamina. Never forget that there is something of our ancestors in all of us that goes beyond DNA.

Jan Domenico (Jan's Editing Service for Writers)

Recording your Stories

Researching our ancestors is a pastime that requires unlimited resources of dedication and patience. The process of organizing them is a daunting task, particularly when so many names are repeated throughout generations of families. The excitement that is experienced through the discovery of our distant family members can only be matched by coming across stories about them. Every family has "legends" of ancestral exploits, for these are what makes these people take form and emerge as real people who lived real lives. How important it is that these stories are recorded in some way so  they are not forgotten.

A few years back, one Domenico family story was posted on this blog (http://tlngenealogy.blogspot.com/2010/01/domenico-family.html) about Serafina Struzziero. Even though there are few family members left who knew her personally, her "eccentricities" are still talked about.

I have made it my mission to record as many of these stories as I can find, as I want my descendants to know their forebears. Writing a family history can be a huge task, as there are many roadblocks that present themselves. We want the finished product to be as complete as possible, but the challenge is that there is always more information out there. How does one decide where to draw the line? How much generalized history should be included to place our ancestors in their proper context? Should extended family be included in the charts? Are we collecting names or are we discovering our ancestral family? All of these are issues that have to be dealt with.

There are few joys that match that of getting to know your "people" on as personal level as possible. It is amazing what can be learned through frequent censuses and other civil documents, i.e., births and deaths, marriages, etc. More poignantly, it can be the implied living conditions as well as the numerous deaths within a family within a specific time frame, indicating some sort of disease. Finding multiple generations living in one tiny home is a strong indicator of how difficult life was.

Look for those stories that are written "between the lines," and your heart will swell with gratitude at their quiet courage, fortitude, and determination to live with dignity. Our forebears gave us the gift of a history, and we can make it our gift to record it for our posterity.
                     -----Jan Domenico, contributor


****Note From Carm****

Jan is not only a contributor to the blog, but also one of our dearest cousins.  Please take a moment to view her new site "Jan's Editing Service For Writers".